


IN THE END YOU’RE ALL I HAD

by hyunxjeans



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hyunjin joins him, Jeongin gets drafted, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, War, War Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunxjeans/pseuds/hyunxjeans
Summary: (Title from Straykids Ex’)Hyunjin thinks it’s funny how fast life moves.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	IN THE END YOU’RE ALL I HAD

Hyunjin thinks it’s funny how fast life moves.

He thinks it’s funny how everyone expects you to move along with it as well, to forget the past and focus on the future.

But Hyunjin’s past was his future, and now it’s gone. Buried six feet under soil, tucked neatly in a white coffin to be grieved for a week or so, cried over, pitied, and then left alone to rot, never thought of again. 

He can still remember it.

The guns, the screaming, the smoke, the crying. Every small detail is imprinted into his mind, coming up to haunt him late at night when really he should be getting sleep.

Two peas in a pod weren’t they? Always meant to be together. He believed that, he should’ve known better.

They were both young and stupid, caught up in the middle of something no boys should ever.

He can still remember it.

The loud bang on Jeongin’s door, the fierce face of the officer, and the fright in Jeongin’s eyes.

Oddly enough, they hadn’t come for Hyunjin. He was older than Jeongin, slightly more muscular and taller, although the teen was catching up on him with the last aspect. By now Hyunjin supposed he would’ve been a good two or three inches taller than him.

He should’ve been relieved it wasn’t him. He could breathe, he was safe.

Yet to everyone’s dismay, especially Jeongin’s, he volunteered himself as well. He had the perfect opportunity to stay very well alive, but he didn’t. He simply couldn’t.

How could he?

He couldn’t leave freshly turned 16 year old Jeongin to fend for himself in an army of men fighting for god knows what.

They were two peas in a pod weren’t they? 

So Hyunjin geared up alongside the boy, ready to face the worst and protect him with his life. He promised it.

He promised him.

He broke his promise.

Cold nights often remind him of those he spent with Jeongin in their training bunker, huddled up together for warmth.

Once they were dispatched, they stopped sleeping together. It wasn’t exactly manly now, was it?

Hyunjin wished he’d said a big fuck you to society’s rules back then. He would kill for another night of hushed whispers, soft giggles, and peaceful sleep.Perhaps then he would be warm. 

The first mission was the hardest for Hyunjin.

He shot a gun for the first time in his life and killed a man. Watched as the life sucked right out of him.

He didn’t cry. He wanted to cry. He couldn’t cry.

It was either him, Jeongin, or that man. There was no hesitation in making that choice. 

And with his head held high, Hyunjin murdered countless others for the sake of protecting himself, Jeongin, and his fucked up country.

Jeongin didn’t take too well at first. Eventually he learned to hide the pain and sorrow rather than displaying it on his young features, visible for the world to see. And yet he could never get rid of the lingering guilt his eyes held. The whispers of sorrow, lost in the blistering wind as he shot a young man’s head off.

Headshot. 

Hyunjin considered Jeongin a great deal of things, but unfortunately a brave man was not one of them. 

He was timid and kind.

Much too kind.

He was the type to let you go if you begged hard enough, if you told him you had a family, plead, and send him your biggest puppy eyes and ugly cry, he would look the other way.

Hyunjin was scared that one day Jeongin would fall into the wrong hands. That someone would trick him, kill him.

He was right to be scared.

In the end his kindness did lead to his untimely demise.

One that Hyunjin saw no fault in blaming himself upon.

After all he had let his guard down.

What were two peas in a pod if they couldn’t even stick together?

Stupid.

He was so stupid to leave him alone.

He should’ve known better.

He should’ve known Jeongin would fall for their tricks, he was naive and gullible. 

He hadn’t even stepped into the real world for fucks sake so how was he supposed to know.

He knew only what he heard from TV shows and all too friendly teachers. 

If you were nice first, then there was no doubt they would be nice back.

No one told him that rule didn’t apply in war.

That life wasn’t as good as the dumb animations made it out to seem. That people weren’t as kind as your sixth grade teacher said they were.

The truth could only be told in a first hand experience. 

That bleeding out in a field of dead men and daisies while his best friend cried over his dying body would be his end.

He always believed that it would be him being whisked away with his family at his sides, teary eyes of at least three generations, content with life and ready.

Yet here he was with nothing to his name but the nickname “boy soldier” and a final thought that maybe life was not so good.

Selfish.

Hyunjin thought Jeongin was incredibly selfish at first.

How could he do that to himself? To his family? To their friends? 

Dying on their last mission.

12 more hours and they would’ve been free.

The boy soldier would have marched back home with the same bright smile on his face, with his innocence still intact, now as just a way to cope with his traumas.

They would’ve gone back home, finished up school and lived happily together.

They could’ve been happy.

Then Hyunjin thought he was the selfish one, the stupid one.

It was his fault.

It had to be.

He was paying too much attention to himself.

He wanted himself to survive, he didn’t think of Jeongin.

He didn’t.

He did.

He really did.

Ironically, he still does.

Thinks of him at dawn when the chirping of the birds is louder than ever, reminding him of how Jeongin always woke up an hour early, day in and day out just to feed those horrendous noise machines.

Around noon when lunch was being served he thought of Jeongin eagerly giving away his food to the homeless that regularly roamed their camp, and other soldiers much much older than him that certainly didn’t need it as much as he did.

At night, he thought of Jeongin’s soft snoring and small mumbles, his mussed up black hair framing his childish face. The same from when they were back in grade school after a long day's worth of playing catch and football, tired and aching. 

And it was in his sleep where he thought of Jeongin’s cries, his frail heart beating frantically and panicked face as Hyunjin held him close, promising he would make it, promising he would come out alive.

Hyunjin thinks it’s funny how life moves too fast.

How you’re supposed to move along with it.

Forget it.

But how could he ever forget Jeongin?

How could he forget the boy with a smile bright enough to put the sun to shame. Kind enough to put the world to shame.

How could he ever forget him?

He couldn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this one shot ^^
> 
> This work was written by Author Z.


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